essays only enhance the crazy.

I try to post eats on Sundays, but today I have too much work and am freaking out way to much to manage that, let alone a post. In a panic I wrote what I was feeling because I want someone to understand it, but I can’t explain very well and don’t know who to show it to. Some people have suggested I write to my therapist, but I tried that and he ignored it and now it’s worse than ever. Maybe it’s because of the essay. I keep hoping it’ll get better after the essay, but it was here before this all started so who knows whether finishing the essay will make it better or worse. Can anyone help? Does anyone know what is wrong with me? Am I actually entirely crazy? What can I do to try to fix this?

Sorry for the short post. I’m feeling pretty distressed and really need something but I don’t know what.

Ramblings of a crazy person...

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4 Comments

Filed under life, recovery, university

4 responses to “essays only enhance the crazy.

  1. Eve

    This post made my heart break – I wish I could make everything better for you right now, I wish there was a quick solution.. I don’t know what to say.. I can’t imagine that all the work and essay you have are helping at all – I know that, like last week, when I have important work everything gets manic and I stess out completely and can’t think about anything other than failing because I’m not doing it right. I think things might be a little better after the essay, just because it should be one less thing on your mind, or at least not a forefront.
    Have you spoken to your doctor about this as well as your therapist? I don’t know, maybe it’s worth mentioning next time you go, or make an appoinment. I wish I could give you better response. Eve xx

    • Work is terrible right now. University is so soul destroying at the moment. Hopefully it’ll pick up as I get healthier. It just makes me feel like I’m failing too right now. Why do we beat ourselves up so much? Handing it in tomorrow and only have to redraft it now so hoping things will improve… Don’t know though.
      I am going to go to my gp I think, but only because of some things that happened with my psychiatrist yesterday. Scary stuff right now.
      Thank you though. Any response is helpful. Feeling pretty isolated and crazy right now. x.

  2. I can only echo what Eve said.

    Been thinking of you since I read this, which sounds odd since I don’t actually know you – but I want you to know that if I’m thinking of you, your friends, family and boyfriend surely are as well. They care, if you need to talk to someone talk to them.

    Or write your thoughts on here, just keep typing and clear your head. Who cares if it doesn’t make sense? Just get it down. I don’t know how to fix this either, but you’re doing so well – don’t let a blip fuck things up xxx

    • I try talking to the fam and boy about all this, but they end up freaking out then I feel worse and even more crazy. Thank you though. It does actually make me feel a little less isolated.
      I’m trying to write more, but then whatever I write ends up with the same problems as everything else. Things are pretty distressing right now. Hopefully it won’t push me back too much…
      x.

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