I don’t generally do this many posts but I wanted to note this for myself as I always forget when I’m journalling as that tends to be at night when I have a whole day of worries to catch up on. Apologies.
There are a lot of things I hate about my face. I think that genetically, I wasn’t so lucky. Plus various difficulties in the womb didn’t help. I have a big nose, a square mandible, quite a prominent brow ridge, an overly defined chin, I look like a boy and have really really wonky eyes. There’s not much I can do about it excluding plastic surgery which I don’t really want to do – too much risk for something purely cosmetic (though my face really is so wonky that I have been offered cosmetic surgery on the NHS since birth, though I could only elect to have it at 18 and now don’t really think I should. Plus I had baby physio to deal with my general bodily wonkiness. At least some of my face paranoia is objective).
Although these things are all still true and I doubt I’ll ever like my face particularly, I’ve noticed that weight gain has made it better. It’s less severe and (dare I say it) kinda cuter. It’s softer and more feminine. Although I still have quite defined cheek bones (alway have done, at any weight), I now have cheeks as well! I’m less scary to look at. And the boy definitely approves.
Weight gain might fill me with body dissatisfaction, but I hated my body at a low weight and a normal weight and a high weight and to be honest, I don’t think I hate it more now than any other time. I’m just narrating the hate differently I guess. I’m hoping that maybe in a little while I might see a plus side to a little more weight on my body too, but at least for now I can see the advantages to a little more fat in the face.
I may be vain, but it actually makes me feel a little better about the whole thing.