food rut.

I don’t like blogging on consecutive days. I don’t know why. It feels over the top to me. So sorry if this is annoying for people.

Basically, I’m in a food rut. I literally cannot decide what foods I like or enjoy or want to eat or anything. Not knowing what I want to eat leads me to rely of foods that I find more comfortable, but these get boring. Trust me. Seven months of the same recovery foods, many of which are slightly densed up versions of foods that don’t make my eating disorder scream means years of very similar meals. I had to add a lot of foods at the beginning of recovery, but haven’t really branched out for a while and there is only so many times you can eat almonds and not start to wish for better things.

I’m ok with breakfasts for now I think, and I do like my porridge and granola. It’s dinners, lunches and snacks which are the problem. Dinners especially. So I’m putting a shout out, both in real and virtual terms.

There are only two foods I won’t eat for non-eating disordered reasons – coriander leaves and cheese. Everything else is fair game. There are also lots of foods that I have literally never eaten in my life, so it’d be good to get some ideas on where to start with finding foods I might like. I’ve never eaten a bacon sandwich in my life can you believe? Or a fried egg? All the foods I like now I discovered during my eating disorder and although fish fingers are good, I can cook now and I have much more varied tastes then I did before all this. I just get stuck when it comes to chosing and end up going for things I know I’ll eat with relatively little fuss.

So any ideas are welcome. At any point. Recipes, snack ideas, brilliant food combos, generally great products. Whatever really. I’m looking for some practical food guidance as I’m finding it hard to get it from myself right now and I’m getting really frustrated in this horrible rut. Plus I think some motivation to test out the tastes of others might help me actually eat something I’m not used to. Plus I know some of you real life people do actually eat really great foods as well. But they don’t even have to be good. Different is all I’m after right now, I can decide what’s good later.

Still, in the spirit of adventure, I’m going to eat my first ever tuna steak today. I just want to keep this ball rolling.

Bloody choice anxiety.



Filed under eats, recipes, recovery

9 responses to “food rut.

  1. Pizza! One can never go wrong with pizza. Though, the best one, of course, is a 4(or more)cheese… Hmm… When I was a kid and I decided to go Veggie, I first wanted to go vegan until I found out it meant not being allowed to eat cheese. Me&cheese is like mac&cheese. One cannot go without the other. So yeah, cheese….
    But back to your point, dinners. I’m not a big fried egg fan (too many of em when I lived in Indonesia) but I do like poached eggs on toast every now and then, or on top of dinners. And as a kid my mom used to make me scrambled egg, sometimes with some veggies (like mushrooms and peppers) mixed in and some extra ketchup (makes it look like vomit, but just ignore that..) on toast for lunch. Yum. And also plus cheese.. But yeah, cheese.. haha.
    Also love oven baked potatoes with the skin on and some herbbutter (&cheese?) in between? And as a kid I loved any veggie out of the oven with cheese melted on top. Oh yeah, cheese.. And ultimate fav dinner: Lasagna. Only my mom’s, though. I’ll NEVER eat lasagna in a restaurant, it’s just wrong. Lasagna is only lasagna when my mom makes it. And a good alternative: Melanzana alla parmiggiana. But again, thats with cheese. Gosh!!
    Typical Dutch food is mashes. So potato mash with either rucola, kale, chard, etc mixed in. Or if you like it sweet: Mashed potato with mashed carrots and some raisins (and maybe some caramellized onions). I guess it’s time to challenge your potato-fear? ;) And your cheese one? Also typical Dutch is pancakes (yes, also for dinner!). Sweet ones (nutella! or banana, or just castard sugar or powdered sugar, or syrup, or combos) and savoury (again, with cheese! Or bake some bacon into it!! Try it!). &Since you love cooking, the best foods are Thai and Indian. Try making Pad Thai, Char Kuah Teow (okay, thats Chinese, but oh well), curries (with garlic/cheese naan!), etc.
    Man I suck at giving you tips now, don’t I?! It’s all stuff you don’t eat?!
    What’s your favorite stuff?
    Love, Sooz

    • It’s not a cheese fear really. I’ve never in my life wanted to eat cheese, pre or during ED. I have a problem with cheese – it’s enjoying the taste of off food! I know it’s totally illogical but I just can’t get my head around why anyone would want to eat it. Most of my fear foods I actually want to eat, but can’t bring myself too. Cheese on the other hand makes me feel a bit ill. And the smell! Urgh. I’ve never even been able to eat food that’s touched cheese, even as a child. However, that mashed potato with onions and raisings sounds so good. Seriously. I do love thai food as well. Maybe I’ll try poached egg as well. Is it actually good though? Hmm… x.

  2. nomoregremlins

    I can really relate getting fed up to the foods that feel comfortable but the monotony certainly wears thin!

    I’ve discovered Asian flavours recently and am totally in love with them. I saw you wrote you didn’t like coriander but there are many recipes or foods that don’t contain it. My favourite food at the moment is dim sum. They’re rice flour dumplings with all sorts of flavour fillings like chicken, prawn, mushroom and pork etc. You can buy them in Waitrose, M&S, Tesco and I think Sainsbury’s. Just got to have a good hunt for them! They’re low in fat but contain protein and some carb. Also I’d say going and having a look in a library at the Wagamama’s cook book as they’re full of clean, fresh, healthy and substantial dishes which have a good balance of nutrition and totally tasty!

    As for snacks I’m heavily into salted pretzels and popcorn at the moment! M&S sell multipacks of small portions. I love it because I’d never normally allow myself popcorn, especially the sweet stuff. However having it in a nice bag where I know the calories eases my mind. Also I have started to explore the lands of dips which was an area or concern. You can buy small pots of houmous with reduced fat options and dunk all sorts of things in like carrot batons, ryvita, breadsticks etc. It’s really tasty!

    As for giving it a go and trying cooking, I was bought a good food healthy recipes book where it tells you the calories and fat per portion to help ease my mind as to how much I should eat. You can also access their recipes on their online site which equally show the nutritional values if that helps you branch out and start trying new dinner options?

    Not sure if any of that was useful!!

    Hope you’re well though!

    • O my gosh I haven’t had dim sum in years! So good. I love asian flavors too, but tend to get stuck in my standard stirfries. I’m going to look for them today I think. Such a good idea. I’d totally forgotten about them.
      That pretzel thing sounds like a good idea too though. Hmm. Basically I have some shopping to do.

      As far as recipes go, I think I’m going to try move away from calories a bit – it’s less the food and more the numbers that scare me off from trying things. I used the bbc good food site for ages, but in reality, I’d never allow myself to eat something that’s over a certain amount of calories, and I always try to make it have less calories than it states. Not good really. Maybe it’s time to brush off my old jamie oliver books and start going on them.

      Mmmm… Dim sum x.

  3. bbcgoodfood,com is good scrunchy, we cook a lot of our evening meals from that site.

    Eggs – better poached or scrambled with tom sauce than fried for me. Bacon – grill it and make yourself a home made BLT. Nice brown bread, grilled bacon, lettuce & tomato and tomato ketchup. Some people would say you need brown sauce with bacon, those people would be wrong.

    How was your tuna steak? I love proper tuna but rarely have it unless I’m eating out, it’s quite expensive & I don’t trust myself not to over cook it, I’m no chef. How are you with Salmon?

    A regular meal in our house = Salmon, roasted veg & cous cous. The fishmonger in Sainsbury’s has honey & mustard marinated salmon & it’s really really nice with Ainsley Harriets cous cous (I’m sure you would spice up your own cous cous, but Ainsley’s does us nicely!)

    Not sure how you’d feel about Venision burgers? They have those in Sainsburys too, we have them a lot with salsa, salad (rest of fam have chips) & ciabatta. I know you find bread difficult and aren’t a big meat eater but this is about pushing boundaries right? Trying something new? If you don’t like it, don’t eat it again but at least you’ve tried. Venison burgers are a lot leaner than beef/lamb, they’re low in fat and damn tasty.

    We eat meat/fish 7 days a week so I can give ideas for meaty type dishes but struggle in the veg department. I’d call again to bbcgoodfood, some poss ideas, if you prefer chicken rather than beef/lamb. It would introduce potato a bit which I know you’ve found hard:
    (I’ll stop there there’s absolutely tons on that site.)
    We always have the Lamb Biryani, Italian Beef Stew and Cod with tomato & olive – check that one out it’s really easy & nice with rice or cous cous.
    Curry is a good call, Thai curries are really zingy, and you can mess around with the ingredients to make it as hot as you like.

    Oh and that brownie on my blog? They’re Sainsburys too (I don’t work for them!), there’s 3 in a packet in the bakery dept & they’re not scarily huge, wasn’t one of your challenges to buy cake? That could be a possibility! Sorry for the really long comment :/

    • Everyone loves bbcgoodfood but I cannot be trusted with that site! One click and you can eliminate anything over a certain amount of calories. I used that site way too much as an ED tool to use without guidance. Saying that though, all those recipes you put look really good and not too scary. I think I’m going to start trying them – get me back into meat a bit.

      Seriously, all your ideas are really good! I love salmon, but often get too scared by it. And I’ve never had venison burgers, but I’ve seen them and eyed them up a little. Maybe it’s time to really give them a go. I’ve never really had ketchup – fussy eating all my life led to me kinda missing the condiment train. I’ve never had brown sauce either. I’ll trust you on the sandwich front. I think I’m going to write a list of food ideas to get through.

      My tuna was lovely btw. I had chilli and lime tuna, griddled all nice, with noodles and veggies. Om nom. Tuna is easy to cook. All you need to do is coat it in oil and grill/fry it for like 2-3 mins one side, 1 min the other, or until the outside of the steak is basically all cooked, but only just (that way the insides still pinky). It is expensive though, but this was a one off treat.

      Maybe I’ll get those brownies you know. I need to start having more foods like that.

      So many ideas x.

  4. ggg

    How about different grains? Bulgur, quinoa, rice noodles etc. Pastry dishes can be quite manageable but challenging too. Quiche, lentil flans, little pot pies, homemade pasties etc. With fish there is loads you can do! Tuna steak is amazing! Hake can also be nice. Or if you like salmon this is a really nice recipe: omitting corriander. Erm. You could try breading your own fish and making fish fingers. That’s pretty easy. Have you ever tried crab? Or crayfish? Crayfish makes lovely salads with avocado and thousand island dressing, and maybe home made croutons. Do you like pate? Pate with different crackers and bread. Perhaps make your own soda bread? You could try turkey bacon if regular bacon is too scary at the moment. Home made hash browns with grated potato, root vegetables etc topped with baked beans and poached eggs. Or baked egg dishes might be less scary:, . Have you ever tried gnocchi? That makes a nice alternative to pasta, and if you pile it with a tomato/vegetable sauce it might be a bit easier.

    • I’m good with grains, but pastry is something I find so difficult. Does it count as a carb? Because it is a carb, but people put carb with it or in it and I get scared :(. Maybe that’s a sign I should try it though. I don’t think I’ve ever had quiche or even a pie so it’s probably worth it.
      Making fish fingers sounds so fun though! I totally want to do that now. I’ve never had cray fish or crab and had never even thought of them. Literally so many ideas. I like the baked egg dish, plus I absolutely adore yottam ottolenghi so I think I’m gonna try that one – thanks for sending it my way. I will work out whether eggs are nice. And I might even try turkey bacon just to get me going on the bacon front.

      All of these comments have made me super excited. I have so much to try! Thank you x.

      • ggg

        I used to find pastry really difficult too to be honest, but it’s really simple to use and so, SO yummy too. I think when you’re challenging yourself to something so difficult it’s fine to make it a little easier to begin with. Yes, people do often put carbs with (potato wedges for example) or in pastry dishes (like in a pie), BUT for a lighter meal people will often just have a side or something with it. A meal my family used to have often was just a slice of quiche (loads of veg, courgette etc, got to be careful with sogginess though) with a nice salad. That could be good to start? It’s tastyyy.
        Oh and yes, home made fish fingers are awesome! Far better than the ones that come in boxes, particularly because they actually contain a decent amount of fish! Cray fish and crab are also lean sources of protein so slightly “safer” options for when you’re pushing yourself by trying new things.
        You’ll have to post photos of the egg dish if you do it! Yum. Hope it goes well. :)

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