eleven things.

I got tagged by Katie in something! I have never been tagged before so it’s a little exciting. I like doing it though. I was kinda fun.

Eleven things about me (they’re not all that interesting, sorry) –

1) I have top five lists for almost everything. They’re not written, but I just know them. They get edited a lot, but there’s always a top five. And if there isn’t a top five yet, as soon as I notice the lack, I make one. It’s a natural thought process for me. It covers things from songs to stationary items to conversations to places I’ve been and also types of cutlery. I like to rate things.

2) I really love stationary. Like so much. And I’m picky about it. I only use certain brands of certain pens. My filofax is my favorite thing right now. Or maybe it’s my new journal which is the most beautiful thing I have ever owned. I’m entirely obsessive about it though. I know what quality of paper is best for me, what thickness of pen nib, I constantly carry around at least 3 notebooks of some description because I keep multiple journals and also like to have a general notebook on hand just in case. I firmly believe that a person cannot afford to be blasé about stationary needs. My top 5 stationary items are

  • my filofax
  • my journal
  • black clicky ball point biros from paperchase. It used to be muji ones but they got really bad quality recently
  • my ruler from muji that also doubles as a protractor as it folds at certain degree increments
  • narrow squared paper. This generally has to be a european brand because we don’t really do good squared paper in the U.K.

3) I don’t understand why people have favorite colours. It’s the most useless, inane thing and absolutely meaningless. If  you think about it, colours are all basically the same really. Except yellow is obviously the best.

4) I am a massive girl. I think a lot of people don’t realise this, but I am. I like nail varnish and make up and really good bath stuff. I’m quite brass and cockney and rude and loud and opinionated and I swear a lot, so people tend to think I’m a bit boyish. I don’t dress the girly part all that often either. I like dresses and all, but I’m consistently casual really and never go for high maintenance looks. Plus I have a deep voice for a girl, broad shoulders and absolutely no curves. However, it takes me at least an hour and a half to leave the house, I really like pink, I can look at clothes for hours, I like standard home-maker activities, I most extreme activity I enjoy is walking in forests and countryside, I’m obsessively clean, I pamper myself on a regular basis, I like pretty things. Sometimes people are really surprised by these things. It makes me worry that I come across excessively manly. Just because I don’t wear heels doesn’t mean I’m not a girl.

5) In my undergraduate course, I processed a disarticulated human skeleton (basically meaning I cleaned it, put it back together and used the bones to find out about the person). I’m pretty sure I could still identify and name basically every bone in the human body (including the small bones in the hands, feet and ears and the different fully fused bones that create one bony mass out of many separate bones like in the pelvis and skull). I can put together, age, sex and identify bone pathology pretty accurately I think because I really loved that unit and got the revision down pretty well. Scary stuff happens to your bones if your unlucky. My skeleton had a collapsed vertebra, spina bifida occulta (asympotmatic variation of spina bifida), trama on his femur and osteoarthritis in his knees. He was about 35 and 5’7″. It’s a bit reassuring to know about skeletons because I’m pretty scared about what I’ve done to my bones over the years, but then I think “could be worse” because it really could. There’s this one spinal disease where the ligaments in your vertebral column fuse together and your spine starts to look like a candle dripping with wax. And there’s a particular arthritis that only a small percentage of people who suffer from psoriasis get – it’s in your toes. In the great scheme of bone diseases, osteoporosis is not the scariest. I find that comforting.

6) I unashamedly like sci-fi, fantasy and action genres. I think a lot of people don’t like them because they don’t think its cool, like if it’s not imparting some great wisdom or insight or it’s not indie, it’s rubbish. These people are wrong. I like arty, indie things too, but you know what? Other genres are really good because they are fun. I love Battlestar Galactica because it is actually one of the best recent T.V. shows in a serious way, yet people I know won’t watch it because it’s sci-fi. I really like Farscape because it’s silly. I also like superheroes and they get the same prejudices. Cheesy action movies are really great too guys. Genuinely. It’s the same with people and books too. Come on guys, have some fun!

7) I do not judge Tom Cruise’s professional career on his (albeit bizarre and not exactly my prefered lifestyle choices) personal life, the same way as I wouldn’t judge my dentist. Tom Cruise has been in some brilliant films. Firstly, I defy anyone to not really enjoy Top Gun. Secondly, he can actually act (Collateral people). Thirdly, Legend is an epic movie and trust me, if you like Zelda, you’ll love it. The list could really go on – so many good films I swear. I’ve had to defend Tom Cruise so many times that he’s slowly developed into one of my favourite actors. Plus, he totally saved an old woman from a mugger – what a G.

Top 5 Tom Cruise films

  • Top Gun
  • Valkyrie
  • Legend
  • Collateral
  • Risky Business

8) I can tap dance actually quite well. I never wanted to be a dancer or anything, so never took it seriously. I learnt in a church hall across the road from my house, but just kept going for a really long time because it’s really fun. You get to make a lot of noise. I’m actually a high enough grade to teach tap, but I don’t have any urge to. I did ballet as well, but I was rubbish at that because I’m just not graceful and I’m too big for it and I tend to bump into things and fall over a lot. Tap however, is actually really fun. It’s big and loud and involves a lot of jumping about. I wanted to keep doing tap, but had a big argument with my teacher over ballet and never went back. It’s probably my fault because I was drunk in my ballet lesson (it was the last day of term and I was 17 so not entirely unexpected behaviour) – I don’t think she knew but I was but I was probably a bit of a dick. I tried to carry on at university, but they only had evening classes and due to the fact that I really struggle being outside in the dark since the attack, it just isn’t feasible during the winter when everyone signs up.

9) One of my main motivators for recovery is that I really want to get old and be a mean little old lady with lots of cats. I want to get to the age where it’s ok to be rude because you’re old so no one tells you off. I want to steal children’s toys that end up in my garden. I want a perm and to only wear dresses made of 100% synthetic fabric that does not need to be ironed. Can’t do that if I don’t get healthy.

10) I jump around at least once a day because it puts me in a good mood. Seriously, jumping is a really good way to feel a little better. I like to jump around in circles. Not for long or anything, but just to make me see the world in a happier way. I realised this through becoming obsessed with aerobics classes and though I’m not sure I’ll ever do aerobics again, jumping is something I hope to keep in my life for rainy moments.

11) From the ages 4 to 16, I had the same thing for lunch every day – a peanut butter sandwich on white bread, a small chocolate bar, a packet of crisps, a yogurt, an apple and a capri sun. Every single day. At school or at home. I didn’t ever get bored with it either. I continued to eat that lunch regularly, just because it was my favourite, until I was about 19 and my eating disorder habits started to sneak their way in. Sometimes I’d have cream cracker sandwiches instead of white bread, and occasionally ribena instead of capri sun, but it was all basically the same. I was an extremely selective eater so I never really get bored with eating the same foods over and over because I’ve done it my entire life so that wasn’t really an issue. Lunch of champions that is.

1. What made you start blogging?

Basically, I started finding other recovery based blogs and they made me feel a little better and less alone. Then I thought “I don’t want to be ashamed of all this”. Then I thought I want to let the people in my life who persistently call or text me and I habitually ignore what’s going on. I figured that way, when I see them they’ll know what’s going on with me without me having to dwell on it. I hope it worked. Plus now I like all the blog people too because they make me feel less lonely.
2. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Really not all that much. It probably involved being young and far too much acid. Acid makes me incredibly silly and everything is hilarious and confusing and nice, but also, everything is moving. I miss recreational drugs, but I’m not sure my mental stability would thank me if I went down that road right now.
3. When was the last time you laughed until it hurt, and why?

A few weeks ago. I was really sad and the boy was trying to cheer me up, but I was not being very open to the idea. He works in a race relations charity and he told me about a letter they got sent. It was complaining about Diane Abbots comments recently and the person who sent it wrote “As a ginger person, I experience racism on a regular basis.” I didn’t expect this and I laughed so suddenly and so loudly and so ridiculously. This might not make sense to anyone as it revolves around a lot of in-jokes from undergraduate times. But yeah, it hurt a lot because I just wasn’t expecting it.
4. Are you a morning or evening person?

Morning definitely. I turn into a moody, grumpy mess when I’m tired. Saying that though, olanzapine makes it increasingly difficult to wake up and makes me bare groggy for about 2 hours after waking up at noon so maybe I’ll be a night person from now on.
5. This has been asked before, but I don’t care, it’s interesting – who would you invite to your ideal dinner party and why?

Ben Goldachre because I love him. And Yottam Ottolenghi because he always seems so nice and his food looks nang. And George Clooney because he seems to be having a lot of fun.
6. What did you want to be when you grow up?

A bumblebee. Then when I worked out that I couldn’t be a bumblebee, I wanted to own a newsagent. Then I thought that was boring so I wanted to own a newsagent within an insect based theme park so I could legitimately dress as a bumblebee to fulfil both my dreams at once. No joke.
7. What do you want to be now? Are you already there or working towards it?

In a dream world, I’d like to get a PhD. and become an academic anthropologist, but that probably won’t happen as PhD’s are way too much money. I am doing an MA though so I guess I’m working towards it. But I think it won’t happen. Realistically, I wouldn’t mind being an early years teacher, but I’m doing nothing to further that goal right now.
8. Order or chaos?

I want to say chaos because it’s definitely cooler, but that’d just be a lie. I really like order. I enjoy tidying and filing and colour coordinating notes and types of appointments in my filofax (fun is orange, hospital is red, the boy is pink, uni is green etc.). I like knowing what I’m going to be doing at least a day in advance, preferably more. I have intricate systems for keeping my whole existence in some sort of order, further supported by daily routines which only change in the most planned of ways. I find organisation fun. And lists. Chaos is cooler though. definitely.
9. Science or art?

Well I’m an arts student so I want to stick up for my corner of the academic world. Arts subjects contain a lot of fascinating and completely socially and morally valuable knowledge and can trends seen within these subjects shape how everyone views the world as it shapes the ways in which we analysis and understand ourselves and how we communicate with and understand others. Arts aren’t just paintings and sculptors, they give us the ability to reflect on and criticise socially created paradigms of thought in both academic and real-world settings and I think people often don’t notice how they’re socially constructed views are supported by a long history of consciously developed ideas seen within arts disciplines. Even the ways in which we view scientific thought is shaped by developments within critical thought structures in the arts world. And vice versa. You can’t have one without the other.

I love science though. Especially astrophysics at the moment, though generally I get most caught up in genetics of some description. I read a lot of pop science and like to find out as much as I can at a very amateur level. I think scientific thought is one of the best things about the world today and I find it all entirely awe-inspiring. Plus it’s equally entirely crucial to our understanding of the world and what we are able to do within it. It’s exciting. And so entirely beautiful.

So yeah, I don’t think I could choose. I probably took this answer too seriously but I really love both too much.
10. What’s your favourite thing to eat for breakfast?

I don’t actually know. It definitely used to be sausage baguettes from greasy spoons with chips and extra bread to make chip sandwiches. I haven’t done this in years and my tastes have developed quite a bit, but I have no idea what I actually like to eat, so I don’t know. Right now, out of the very limited range of breakfast foods I eat, I like days when I have crumpets with peanut butter and dorset cereals low-fat flakes with blueberries and soy milk and a big pot of proper coffee. Chances are that’s not my favorite though. I’ve never had a full english or anything like that, porridge is good but I don’t like to have it for breakfast really, and I think I like waffles and pancakes and eggy bread, but can’t eat them so I don’t know.
11. Do you find asking questions or answering them easier?

Answering them. I don’t like coming up with things to say as  my topics are really boring. I’m not really a good conversationalist and tend to get a little too intense.

I’m supposed to do eleven questions and tag eleven other people, but I’m not sure I know enough people to tag. Still, I enjoyed it anyway.



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2 responses to “eleven things.

  1. First thing that popped my mind; Are there even five types of cutlery?! And; Don’t you need a top5 list of (least)fav colours?! ;) And when you typed ; ‘I’m a massive girl’ I found it the most odd thing for someone recovering from AN. Then reading the next sentence I realised you meant you’re a massive GIRL, instead of a MASSIVE girl. I know, I’m a dork.. And then you went rambling on and on and on at the questions and I now know you’re soooo much like me. Not as much in the answers itself, but just the completely getting caught up in your story and just keep telling and telling. Awesome!
    Hope you’re doing well! xx

  2. You’re a dark horse! I knew you did Anthropology but didn’t realise how in depth your course was and how knowledgeable you are, it’s so interesting but some of those spinal conditions sound scary.

    Number 2, stationary, I’m with you there. 100%. I love Paperchase (bought a new file & pencil case from there yesterday which I really really DON’T need). For A4 paper, I can’t have anything other than PUKKA PADS. Not the crappy recycled ones though because they write funny,

    Your bumblebee story is the sweetest thing x x

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